When I began writing again I never thought it would be this difficult. I remember there was a time when I could write for hours with no problem. I could write short stories and poems about anything when I was younger. Now getting the words down is difficult (almost like pulling teeth) but also more rewarding.I thought I could just start writing again and fall back into it but that hasn’t been the case. It’s a struggle but a fun and intriguing one. I have learned so many things about myself since I’ve started writing.
I didn’t know that was going to happen. It’s was surprising. But when I sit down to type and I’m alone with my thoughts it’s like my true self comes out. Unintentionally my main character reminds me so much of myself it’s scary. Through her, I’ve learned what kind of relationship I want. The kind I won’t stand for. What pleases me. What I won’t stand. What I like about myself. What I need to change. I’ve learned when someone isn’t good for you or they make you feel like as you are you aren’t good enough for them you need to let them go and move on. I learned you may hold on to the first person who showed any interest in you longer than you should.
And I learned BDSM is more than just spankings, being hog-tied to beds and domineering and controlling men. BDSM is so much more than what is portrayed books and movies. You need trust and to feel comfortable enough with someone to let them help you explore your hidden desires. Beth not only trusts her clients but she trust that the club would never let someone come in that would make her do things she doesn’t want to do.
BDSM isn’t about force or control, to me, it’s about trust, open-mindedness, and the will to put you wants aside and do what pleases someone else. You don’t control or force them you help guide them to a place where they can surrender themselves to the desires they keep hidden from everyone in some cases even themselves. Beth tries to say that this is just a job but when she can’t do it anymore in the first book she realizes it’s more than that. She misses it. It’s a part of her.
I want to show readers there are so many fetishes out there that make up BDSM and it’s okay to explore them. It’s okay to be interested in something different as long as the people participating are consenting adults. Some things I would never try but I still write about them for the people that want to know about it or practice it. Or that may find it interesting and want to do more research. I draw from research, personal experience and talking to those that practice it.
I think the most important thing I’ve learned from Beth is that it’s okay to be you. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone (unless they want you to). Be who you are no matter how weird or freaky!